What do you want for Christmas?

Dear Santa...

Do you remember when your Christmas wish list included a pink Princess phone in your room, or maybe an Annie Oakley cowgirl outfit? Life has caught up with us, but we still can dream can’t we?

If you could get the best Christmas present ever, what would it be? That was question #39 in the personal interview session. The sky was the limit with no boundaries geographically or financially. The phrasing encouraged a “wishful” thought process. As this week turns a final corner to Christmas, the question couldn’t be timelier.

We wise women know that Christmas is not the sparkling, glittering scenes we see in the Target and Wal-Mart ads. It’s fraught with emotions and worries that wise women sometimes swallow for the sake of family and community. 

The women interviewed were honest and forthcoming. Some respondents were quick to answer with sharp, witty replies. Others really gave a lot of thought. Tears accompanied some responses. The answers, like some others in the interview and survey, easily fit into categories of wishes. 

In last week’s blog, family ranked second in priority to the question “what’s the best part of your life today.” This week, family ranked number one on the Christmas wish list involving 48% of the answers.  

Making quality time a priority plays a huge part in some families. Some of their wishes are here:

• Loretta has a close-knit family who all live in relative proximity, but she is often disheartened because of the difficulties pulling everyone together for a family event. Her children’s work and grandchildren’s activities make scheduling problematic, and she feels that her children don’t see family gatherings as a priority. 
• Dianna, a single mom with two adult daughters yearns to be a priority to her daughter’s time as well. She sometimes feels left out of her children’s lives. Her Christmas wish is for more quality time with her girls. 
•  Paula has children and grandchildren scattered from east to west coast. Fortunately, she gets to travel often to visit them, but her wish is to be together with them for Christmas. 
• Dina, Mimi, and Dee Dee all wished for a week of family vacation. 
•  Dorie’s eight children and seven grandchildren all live in close proximity but getting all together is a futile wish. Her Christmas request is simply for a picture of all of them together. 
• June makes several “tour de Grandma” trips to the Midwest and Texas from Pennsylvania each year. She just wants her grandchildren’s kisses for Christmas.

Several Christmas wishes for family focused on difficult issues.  Lynn wished for a large sum of money, not for herself, but to help her kids get out of debt. 

A Christmas wish particularly touching came from Sandy. She hasn’t heard from her son for several years. She doesn’t know where he is and is unclear why he has estranged himself from her, but her wish was to hear from him or see him. I know that family estrangement is much more common than many people think. This issue has touched my own family. Pastoral Counselor, Patricia Jones of Dove Christian Counseling says there is …”a hidden epidemic of this phenomena going on in America…” Estrangement of a parent by a child is devastating because, as parents, we often blame ourselves. We feel uncomfortable discussing it with others on the “outside.” The heartache affects almost every aspect of life, and holidays bring a different set of pain and despair. For more insight into family estrangement, look at Dove Christian Counseling webpage on estranged adult children. If you’re the parent of an estranged child, you may find some comfort and understanding there. 

Indulgences took 24% of Christmas wishes. A new car, a condo on the beach, a new kitchen…if only! Connie had an interesting wish; she asked for art supplies for life!

Health took 12% of the responses as many wished for good health for themselves and their families. Gina’s Christmas wish particularly touching as she asked Santa for new organs. She suffers from liver disease and a multitude of other health issues related to it. She will eventually need a liver transplant. 

Financial wishes and world issues each garnered 8% of responses. Laura, in particular, is single, never married. She saved faithfully only to lose much in stock-market losses over the past decade. She’s making a living, but would like to have financial security and particularly her own home. Rose, who has earned her wise woman status through much suffering asked only for world peace.

As Wise Women of Age we have a lifetime of experience to help us figure out what’s important to us. So what is your Christmas wish? If you could have anything you wanted, what would that be? We welcome your input and invite you to share your thoughts. As we share, we serve as wise women mentors to the younger generations. Your input might shed light on her decisions and choices.

Do you find the conversation interesting and thought-provoking? Don’t keep it a secret. Share it with your friends. Wisewomenofage.blogspot.com     

Through compassion, you will find that all human beings are just like you. - Dalai Lama

        

What's the best part of your life today?

The interviews conducted for this Wise Woman project have been delightful and insightful. I’ve met and talked with women from New York to Nebraska and as far away as Africa regarding this stage of their lives. These women answered questions with honesty and candor, and more often than not, tears fell once or twice along the way. Participants’ responses regarding the interview questions have included adjectives like reflective, retrospective, and thought-provoking. 

Some of the questions posed were for statistic gathering; other questions required only one word answers. Some queries encouraged essay style responses. Some answers came quickly, others required some time to collect thoughts and form a solid response. Some questions were light-hearted; others required a dive into the soul to wrench out the reply.

We begin the first week’s post with notes from an upbeat question: What’s the best part of your life today? Please note that all names used in the Wise Women of Age blog are pseudonyms for the surveyed women.

Ninety-five percent of the responses boiled down to a few key words – family, freedom, and knowledge.

The joy of freedom took the highest percent reflecting about 45% of responses. Several types of freedom came into play. For some it was freedom from work. For others, their freedom came with financial success, fewer obligations, and an expansion of their time. 

Several women expressed their freedom from committed relationships. Dianna and Denise were both involved in long, difficult marriages and admit that they waited too long to end them. Dianna earned her freedom from her relationship about a dozen years ago, and reports that life on her own is empowering. Denise ended a forty-year marriage just recently. She reports a relief to be out of her situation. Both women admit that financial concerns worry them because of the income loss, but their independence makes their quality of life better. Dorie was divorced, widowed, and had a third relationship that didn’t end well. She now realizes the value of the non-committed life. Connie has never been married, and although she admits to sometimes being lonely, she still values her lifestyle as liberating.

Family was high in marks for 32% percent of interviewees. Gayle suffered the loss of her only two sons and a step-son through tragic circumstances. Rose lost her mother, husband, and son to deaths all within six months of each other. Winnie is a widow with no children, but places high value on friends as family substitutes. All suffered greatly with their losses and have a true appreciation for the worth of family.  

Carol is on her second marriage and has no children, but she’s happy to be with her present husband. Gina has only been in one long-time relationship in her life and that is with her husband. With one daughter and one granddaughter and know future of adding any more into the family, she values them deeply. Dee Dee is a lifelong stay-at-home mom with two sons and five grandchildren. Her life revolves around them, and they are her greatest joy.  

Eighteen percent of respondents recognize knowledge as the best part of their life. Not surprisingly, this percentage group includes some teachers and many life-long learners. Our PBS station had a phrase “stay curious” they used in advertising a few years ago. It reflects the way this percentile thinks of life. That’s phrase has always stuck with me. I use it myself in an effort to encourage my grandchildren to look beyond their horizon. These women grasped that concept early on.

June was a second career clergy (more like third or fourth career actually), but as her life evolved and opportunities presented themselves, she reached out and grabbed everything she could get. Sandy has always worked with children. In her retirement, she uses that skillset as a board member for child care agencies and for children’s ministries in her church. Denise says, “There’s a lot of opportunities still ahead of me,” and uses her knowledge in church ministries too. Nola is musically inclined. She’s also one of those crafty women that can take an ear of corn and turn it into a door hanging or centerpiece, sews clothing, cans and preserves her farm’s produce, runs a farm stand, is active in her church, and monitors the life of her independent Down Syndrome daughter. She states, “I know a lot of things. Being able to impart that knowledge is important. I like to teach and have the confidence to do that.”

In this blessed season of joy, what is the best part of YOUR life today? What the greatest thing about YOUR life today? Does it center on these big three: Freedom, Family, or Knowledge? Alternatively, is it “other”? If so, please share what that is. You can do that by entering your thoughts in the comments below. 

As a leader of many workshops and classes, I learn much from the students in the class by encouraging questions and comments. Do you have an issue or problem you would like to present? Please join us weekly for conversation, simple or thought provoking, as we talk about our lives going forward and learn together from each other. You can receive a notice of each fresh posting by subscribing by email in the top right hand corner. Did you join this conversation through Facebook and like it?  Then please click on "share" to let your friends know what you're reading too.

I look forward to hearing you. 

Through compassion, you will find that all human beings are just like you. - Dalai Lama