Monday, February 16, 2015

You Gotta Have Friends



We should all be thankful for
those who rekindle the inner spirit
-
Albert Schweitzer

You see it every morning at McDonald's, Wendy’s, Starbucks,  local coffee shops, and mom and pop establishments. There they are a group of retirees, sometimes all men, sometimes mixed, all with one thing in common. They are there for the 3 Cs that many retirees look for in social gatherings: Coffee, Company, and Conversation. What these retirees may not realize is that there is an important health benefit that gets served up with that morning cup a’ Joe. 

Let me share a story I read on the AARP website about social interaction. A daughter began to notice changes in her mother after her father died. Mom had previously been active, but now as a widow, she began skipping churches, stopped caring for her appearance, and taking on a disheveled demeanor. As she spent more and more time alone, she started to be confused about what day of the week it was, and even began to forget to eat meals. Her situation deteriorated to the point that the daughter plucked mom from her Pittsburgh home where she seldom left the house, and brought her to Nevada and a large facility near her home, where Mom had a multitude of social activities and peers with which to interact. Within a month her grooming improved dramatically, she started playing bridge and walking three miles a day. Her daughter claimed it was like the clock was turning back several years.

No one is sure why, but researchers are looking at what happens in the brain to people as they engage in social activity. They believe these interactions are beneficial to memory and our cognitive functions as we age.  

I authored the Boomer Babes Lifestyle Survey last fall to women over 50.  The average age of the 140 responding women responding is 62.

When asked their working status:

  • 34% still worked a full-time job
  • 22% still worked part-time job 
  •  41% were retired or not working 
  •  3% did not answer the work status question

With 41% retired or not working, the question is how do you stay interactive with others, especially if you are living alone? When I inquired, “How many close friends do you have?” Respondents answered with an average number of 6 close friends. 

Another query regarding social interaction is “how many times a week do you socialize?” The answer average for that question was 4. These are great numbers. They indicate that my peers are working at staying involved and vital. 

The two oldest to participate in the Boomer Babes Lifestyle survey are 84 and 88 years old respectively. Both women are dynamos. Both are widowed. 

Arlene was in her mid-60s when she went to the Congo to serve in a refugee camp immediately after the Rwandan genocide. Here she is 20 years later living in Rwanda where after establishing the Hope Made Real Foundation and the Urukundo Village. She fills her days by overseeing a large staff for the children, schools, health facilities, and the skill and revenue-generating shops related to the village.  

At 88, a woman I will call Winnie, has a schedule that would make the youngest woman weary. Her ministries with her church, book clubs, volunteering and support groups keep her hustling. In response to the question, “What makes you the woman you are today?” she answered, “I’m a positive thinker, and take advantage of opportunities.” Her mantra for her life is “seize the moment.” That doesn’t surprise me. She has wonderful friends and a great support system through her church. It’s a full life for her. 

Both of these women know how vital it is to keep active. Their commitments to their interests and ministries keep them motivated. 

I am 65 and retired for real last August. For me, retirement means I am not obligated to go to a paid job. Without day-to-day structure the days tend to blur together. I have to admit that each morning, I mentally confirm to myself the day of the week. The only time a date is important to me is if I have an appointment. 

Just because I don’t go to an office doesn’t mean I’m stagnating. I don’t linger around in my pajamas, but after a cup of coffee, I “put on my face,” and my husband and I walk our dog, rain or shine. We are a regular fixture in our neighborhood by which our neighbors can set their clocks.

We are part of small group that gathers at Café Kolache in our little town of Beaver, Pennsylvania. We meet at 8:00 a.m., and usually coffee and chit-chat until close to 9:00. Ironically, some of us were not friends when we started going there, but because we are regulars each morning in the same place, conversations began taking place over table tops, and soon we were inviting each other to join in the conversation.  

One of the members of our group is in his 80's. He works as an accountant 3 hours a day, 4 days a week for a local water authority. Another member of the group is 62 and stepping into retirement a little bit at a time. She still goes to help at their family business several times a week. Each day at the Café we keep up on local events, general news, reminisce about our lives, and share information. Thank goodness for smart phones! Each time we can’t remember an event or need more information, someone says, “Let’s Google that!” For us, this interactive time provides enthusiastic conversation and good companionship.

Time spent with others is a strong motivator and stimulant. We need to stay connected to stay vital. Studies show that older adults who like to eat out, go to movies and take part in other social activities live an average of two and a half years longer than people who spend most of their time alone. This just proves that people DO need people. 

Tomorrow morning, why not put on your walking shoes, bundle up, and take a stroll to your local coffee shop? Get a cup of coffee and look around. Smile at others. Be accessible. Start adding that extra two and a half years to your life!

I love this quote by Albert Schweitzer that sums it up perfectly, “In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”


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