Goodbye February – Hello March!

February is finally over! I admit I’m not sorry to see this month go. Here in Pennsylvania, our temperatures hovered around 0^o on many days. 

The good news is that birds are beginning to sing in the morning, and next Sunday, March 8 begins Eastern Daylight Savings Time. Whooo-hoooo! The following day, I will be going to Florida for a week. Whooo-hooo!

It’s been a great month on the Wise Women of Age blog. Readership increases with every month. For me, that’s a sign that you wise women relate to what I write about. 

In case you missed them, here is your chance to catch up on this month’s subjects, ranked by readership. Click on any hot link to go directly to that blog:

Through a Mother’s Eyes – A story for those of faith about  the crucifixion and a mother's love,

thoughts about this holy Christian season of Lent, and the crucifixion through the eyes of a mother and how it relates to us. 

Here Comes the Sun – Just Not Soon Enough – Winter makes me SAD. I mean SAD as in Seasonal Affective Disorder. Could you be suffering from it too? I give you my take on it in this blog,

So Many Books, So Little Time - Winter is my time for reading, and I read A LOT! I read concurrently, and will often be working through a novel, some kind of non-fiction “how to” book, doing a Bible study, and my pile of periodicals to peruse. Nothing is better on a snowy winter afternoon than to nestle under the cuddle blanket my granddaughter made for me with my dog, a cup of tea, and a good book. In this blog, I share with you the titles of some of my favorite books of this month. 

Punxsutawney Phil –Up Close and Personal  -  Here’s a little known fact about me: Punxsutawney Phil and I are BFFs. Groundhog Day means more to me than the lore of a rodent's shadow. It’s a turning point in my life. Read this blog to get the rest of the story.

Secret Spending – I Cannot Tell a Lie -  We would all like to think we are not liars. I’m sure we all try NOT to be liars. However, sometimes we tell lies with our actions, not words. Secret spending and financial infidelity are destructive in relationships. If you’re committing financial offenses, you need to read this blog.

You Gotta Have Friends – Did you know that interaction with your coffee shop gang could add two and half years to your life? Check out this blog to get the story.  

Senior Dating: Advice from Me and Willie Nelson -Widowed, divorced, separated, or single? Are you interested in dating in the September of your life? Do you know someone who is? Where to begin? In this February month of all things Valentine related, we will look at searching for love in the second half of our lives. Willie Nelson and I have some advice to help you out.

Heart of My Heart – Women and Heart Disease – What You Need to Know - 69% of women don't know that heart disease is the #1 killer of women. Do you know your risks? Do you know that women’s symptoms of a heart attack are different than men’s symptoms? Read this blog for information to put you in the know. You owe it to those you love.

Round, Round, Ready, Touch – The Death of Penmanship –  Penmanship is disappearing in school. I remember making rocker and rainbow motions. I remember “round, round, ready-touch” as we oval-ed our full-motion arms across the pre-lined practice papers.

Think about those love letters your husband wrote, your mother’s recipe cards, and the Mother’s Day cards your kids made for you. Aren’t they a treasure? Where would we be if the signers of the Declaration of Independence couldn’t sign their names?

We need to keep penmanship alive. Hear me out in this blog.

There you have it. I’m looking forward to hearing more from my readers. Your comments are often the spark that generates this blog. So keep them coming!

If you know someone who benefit or enjoy this blog, please forward it to them.

Senior Dating: Advice from Me and Willie Nelson

Back in December, I had lunch with one of our wise women who became a widow a few years ago. My jaw dropped when she shared with me that she had joined a dating site. A Groupon offer for a big discount motivated her, so she signed up for membership. This kind of action was so out of character for her that I had to know why she decided to do it. She explained that although her marriage had been a long and fulfilling one, what she wanted most in widowhood was companionship. Although she has many friends, she missed the things she and her husband used to do, like theater and sporting events.

I wished her my best in the endeavor, but as we parted from our lunch date, her words weighed on my mind. I thought about my own father, widower at 60. To my chagrin, he started dating within six months of my mother’s death. When I asked him why, he explained it this way, “When you’ve been married for 37 years, it’s hard not to be married.”

That remembrance brought to mind one of my favorite albums of all time, Willie Nelson’s Stardust album. Stardust is the only music I have owned in three different mediums. I bought it the first time in 1982 as a vinyl LP, the second time as a cassette, and the third time as a CD. Willie gently croons the old standards that I heard my mother singing as I was growing up. My favorite song on the album is the title cut, Stardust. My second favorite tune is September Song. It’s a wistful tune of a late-in-life love affair. The lyrics melt my heart and leave a lump in my throat. 

To hear this beautiful song, click here for a You Tube edition. The opening lyrics go like this:

Oh, it's a long, long while
From May to December
But the days grow short
When you reach September

When the autumn weather
Turns leaves to flame
One hasn't got time
For the waiting game

A few weeks later, I met with another group of wise women, and shared that my 65-year old widowed friend had registered on dating site. There was a collective gasp. Ironically, no one was shocked because she made such a bold move. As the conversation unrolled, it was all about our own self-esteem and our own insecurities. I heard comments like, “How do you know when it’s time to start dating again?” “What if sex is involved?” “I don’t want to undress in front of anyone else.” “I’m overweight. Who would want me?” and “What if you don’t like your date? How do you get rid of them?”

All of these are legitimate questions and concerns. Looking over the data collected in the Boomer Babes Lifetime Survey, approximately 25% of our women are single, divorced, separated, or widowed. Just because they’re in the September of their life, does that mean they should never love again? I think not. 

I wondered to myself, “If I wanted to date again, after all these years, how would I begin?” Here are just a few tips that I’ve found while researching this:

• Be honest when completing the questionnaire. Don’t put what you think the right answer should be. Put your true response.
• Stick with sites that have good reputations. Try this list of the Top Ten Senior Dating Sites.
• Gather as much information as you can before striking out there. As always, AARP is looking out for us. They have a huge amount of information. Check it out at Find Love in the New Year on their website.

So now you found a potential match from the dating site, or a friend sets you up on a blind date. Willie's already told you that you don't have time "for the waiting game." Here’s some “Dating Dozen" advice from this wise woman regarding your potential date candidate and how to proceed:

1.  Make your first meeting in the daytime and at a public place. I’ve seen enough Criminal Minds episodes to know not to get caught in a solitary place. Better err on the side of caution until you have a better grasp of his personality. 
2.  Drive your own car to the date. Don’t get into a car alone with the date until you have several successful dates and know him better.
3.  My mother always said, “Never marry a man that doesn’t dance.” If you’re out to have fun, make sure his idea of fun and your idea of fun are the same. If his is hockey and yours is symphony, choosing date venues may get tricky.
4. Another thing my mother always said was “does he have a (financial) portfolio?” Yes, you may want to go “Dutch” on the first date or two, but don’t pay for gas, or lend him money. We’re too late in life to try to recoup any financial losses to a deadbeat lover.
5.   Don’t spill your life story on the first date. Your divorce was bitter, your husband’s death was long and painful, your ex-mother-in-law hated you, and your son is on probation. Those subjects don’t make good first date conversation starters.
6. People like people like themselves. Steer your conversation toward ferreting out common denominators whether it’s career, hobbies, number of cats, or number of grandchildren.
7. Once you know him better, invite him to family functions. How does he interact with your adult children or grandchildren?
8. Does your dog like him? Our pets sometimes have a second sense we don’t pick up on.
9. How does he treat his mother or the other women in his life? If he is surrounded by close and loving women, that’s an indicator that he will be respectful of you.
10. One date does not a relationship make. You may be getting a late start, but long-lasting relationships take a while to build. Don’t rush.
11. Sex? Hmmm. If you won’t belch up a beer in front of him, are you willing to take your clothes off in front of him? Know him well before you take that (giant) step.
12. If your kids like him, if your friends like him, if your neighbors like him, if your dog and/or cat like him, if he’s not borrowed money from you, if you don’t find duct tape and a Taser in the glove compartment of his car, you can probably feel safe in moving forward.

The September of your life is not too late to find love. Mark Twain says in his Eve’s Diary, “Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself.” 

You have a lifetime of accumulated experience at reading people. You’ve screened your daughter’s and son’s dates, and maybe by now, you’ve even put the stamp of approval on your grandchildren’s dates. Trust your instincts. 

Be smart. Be safe. I wish you love.

If you know someone who may enjoy this article, please forward to them. They and you are welcome to join the conversation at wisewomenofage.blogspot.com .

  To purchase a copy of the Stardust album: Click here